Why aren't we finding "the one" through online dating?

Swiping, swiping is no fun

All of my single friends have at least one online dating app on their phone. Nowadays this is the norm, this is what we are doing to find “the one”. Maybe you’re not trying to find your one true love on these dating apps, maybe you’re just trying to find new friends or just hoping to find a really good one night stand. Either way, here are my thoughts about online dating and my personal and secondhand experiences. I am going to focus on two that are that I feel are the most popular: tinder and bumble.

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Right now I am only on tinder, although I have tried bumble a few times, I always end up deleting it within a few days. The reason why I always end up deleting it is because I have to message the guy first, which I am not the biggest fan of. And I know, I am a modern feminist who should have no problem messaging the guy first, because it shouldn’t always be their job to do it but I guess I am afraid of….rejection? The cats out of the bag folks, I’m not perfect.

So what’s the problem with these dating sites in general? I have one answer that’s been a pretty consistent one with myself and when I’ve asked others: too many options.

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I think that we (both men and women) feel like we don’t want to settle for one person because there could always be a “better option” that’s just a swipe away. The problem with this is that we’re never going to be truly happy with what we choose. If we’re never content with what we already have, then we’re going to spend the rest of our lives looking for what we think is better. This is the problem with these dating sites; there’s too many options all at once and it all starts to become meaningless.

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Again, everyone is on these sites for different reasons but with my personal experience, I have found it easier and more fun to not have any expectations. I’m not specifically looking for a relationships through these apps, but whatever comes from it is fine and once I actually meet the person then I can decide. I have successfully met one person that I could potentially see as something else, but he was a pilot who lived in a different state, so there was really no future there. A story for another time.

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Like I said at the beginning, all of my single friends are on at least one of the two apps but they are all on it for different reasons. A common one is that they just want to connect with someone as more than just a friend. I have a friend who started seeing this guy who she had met through tinder and both of them were not very clear with their intentions right away. The more they started hanging out, the more afraid she was to ask the “what are we” question because she didn’t know what he was going to say. She knew that she wanted more than something casual and he ended up not wanting the same thing. What’s the solution for this? Be open with your intentions right away. This way, both parties know exactly what’s going on and no one will get hurt.

So I guess my answer for a very open question is: these dating apps give us too many options and we don’t know what to do with them. If you’re looking for a relationship through tinder and bumble, be open about it and make sure the other person knows so that you don’t end up wasting your time.

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Want to hear more from Paola? Follow her on Instagram @paolaleon1 or on Twitter @PaolaLeon23!

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