Black Women and Dating at a PWI

“It’s as rare as a unicorn.”

“It’s not in my vocabulary.”

“Every Black Woman I know who is in a relationship is dating someone who is off campus.”

“You constantly reevaluate your self-worth and beauty.”

Dating, in general, has always been a pain; a process that takes too much time and incredible effort. I mean- paying for dates, constantly dressing to impress, doing and then redoing my eyebrows- it’s a lot of work! All in all, ending with the question of: was he/she/they worth it?

Now for Black Women at a PWI, the task of dating is practically nonexistent (either a blessing or a curse depending on the person). PWIs are predominately white institutions and these types of schools will definitely try to put black women into a box. One may constantly question if they are unattractive because nobody seems to be knocking at their door asking to get to know them or take them out.

“We have to face the racism of White Men and the internalized anti-blackness in Black Men.”

“Black Women are the most invisible people on campus, it’s like we don’t exist, except to ourselves.”

“Our options are limited; we have to consider so many things before we start dating: What do they think of black woman? Are we just an experiment? Do they believe the stereotypes? Will they tear us down: mentally, emotionally, physically?”

“If we date someone outside our race, it seems like we are betraying some parts of your culture.”

At a PWI, a lot of black men go for women who are outside of their race, and of course there is no problem with that. The only problem is that they seem to avoid Black Women, but they will always talk about their appreciation toward Black Women when asked. They are quick to see us as their supporters, but leave us in the dirt when someone else, usually a white woman, gives them attention. It’s a double standard when they only come to Black Women in the need of something and are not around when we are in need of support. Even on some accounts, black men see it as a privilege to date outside of their race, especially when dating White Women. As for Black Women dating outside of their race, our names often slandered. It’s like we have committed the crime of the century and turned our backs to Black Men and our history!! However, that is usually not the case. Men outside of our race may take the time to understand and communicate with Black Women more than our counterpart. On the other hand, Black Women have to be skeptical of the attention being received. Is this man racist? Are we just an experiment? Is this a fetish? Are questions we have to answer before moving forward. “It’s frustrating because the Non-Black Men are too afraid to talk to us and the Black Men think we are the endgame”

“It’s like they want us to sit there and wait for them”

“We always have to be the mature presence in the relationship... it’s like we can’t have fun too”

“The only time Black Men want to talk to us is when they need a therapist; they only come to us for their problems” But of course, there is always a rainbow with a pot of gold after the storm. “Don’t forget you’re beautiful”

“We learn to compliment and hit on each other...a corner of Queens”

“We learned to create our own spaces and learn to find beauty and confidence within ourselves”

While our DMs may be lacking real options, Black Women always have each other to depend on. We have learned to hit on each other and complement each other. Black Women are Queens in every sense, in every way. We see our own Black Girl Magic and thrive on it!! Remember to never forget your own worth and own beauty. If you can, remind your fellow friends that they are also a Queen that slays daily.

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