We quizzed Sammi Cole from Lovehoney on your most asked sex questions and this is what she had to say. Was your question answered?
1. How do you successfully hide your toys from nosy flatmates?
"The great thing about living away from home is that there’s far less chance of your mum finding your 10” bright pink dildo; the problem is, now you’ve got housemates to contend with instead.
The people that you’re living with should respect your space, but if you find that your belongings are ending up in their rooms a little too often, it might be the time to invest in a lockable sex toy case, like this one. With a combination padlock (that means you’ll never lose the key), and plenty of space for your favourite toys, condoms, and lubes, it’s a discreet and simple way to keep your toys out of sight from prying eyes.
Alternatively, look for toys that are designed not to look blatantly sex-toy-shaped. Lipstick vibrators are undetectable in a cosmetics case; Fleshlights are indistinguishable from torches; and you can even get a vibe that looks like an innocent rubber duck for seismic bathtime fun."
2. Are there any quiet vibrators you would recommend?
"The tell-tale hum of a powerful vibe can really ruin your buzz, if you’ll excuse the pun. Luckily, not only are there lots of whisper-guide toys on the market, but there are ways that you can easily disguise even some of the noisier toys as well.
If your bank account’s looking barer than a Kardashian midriff, the Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibrator is super quiet, super powerful, and under £15. If you fancy a little more bang for your buck, then the Lovehoney Silencer offers 7 inches of adjustable vibration intensities a rippling body that would put even the Hemsworth brothers to shame.
Rechargeable vibrators are a little pricier, but even quieter because there’s no battery rattling around inside. When loan day comes around, treat yourself to our powerful mini magic wand vibe that’s USB rechargeable, and can also be used as a massager for you or your partner."
3. How do I survive a long distance relationship now that I am at uni?
Long-distance relationships are one of the biggest romantic challenges facing students, particularly when it comes to keeping the closeness of a physical relationship going. Firstly, sexy games are a great way to build anticipation when you’re apart. Take it in turn to send each other messages that build up an erotic story that you’d like to act out together, but rather than doing it via instant messaging, use a slower service like writing each other a letter to draw out the anticipation!
For the ultimate in long-distance play, check out the blossoming world of teledildonics - that is, sex toys that can be controlled by Bluetooth and wireless technology. Teledildonic giants, We-Vibe, offer vibrators for every gender that can be controlled by an app, meaning that wherever you are in the world, you can take control of your partner’s pleasure. The We-Vibe Sync is particularly popular because it can be worn during intercourse as well, meaning you can enjoy your toy whether you’re together or apart.
4. I have never been able to climax during sex, and my boyfriend is incredibly vanilla. How can we work so I can achieve orgasm?
Despite what we’re told by TV/movies/particularly lucky friends, it’s actually more common for a woman not to reach climax through penetration alone. In fact, it’s estimated that between 70 and 80% of women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm during sex, so you’re certainly not alone, and it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s something that you or your boyfriend are doing wrong.
Sexual positions where you or your partner are able to reach and stimulate your clitoris can massively help to increase the likelihood of climax. A good example is girl-on-top, because you can grind against your partner’s pelvic bone for continual clitoral contact, or you or your partner can stimulate your clit with your hands.
Depending on how open your partner is to introducing sex toys to your love life, you could also try a vibrating cock ring during sex. Not only will this help to keep him harder for longer, but it can offer clitoral stimulation for you, as well.
5. How can I make sure that's it's 50/50 when it comes to sex with my partner?
As with many parts of being a couple, from arranging dates, to deciding whose turn it is to do the washing up, there can be times in a sexual relationship that feel as though one partner is making more effort than the other.
If you find that you quite often feel as though your partner isn’t trying as hard as they could to pleasure you, it’s important to discuss this with them in a non-accusatory manner. Sit down with them, away from the bedroom, and explain that although you absolutely love it when they do a certain thing, you would like them to do something else a little more often. Try to pitch it in a positive light - you want them to do more X, Y, or Z because when they do it, it feels so good - and don’t forget to ask them if there is a reason they don’t perhaps do as much as they used to, or that they avoid a certain sex act. They may have concerns and fears about it that they haven’t yet voiced to you, and this will give them their opportunity to do that.
Of course, it’s just as important that you listen and react to your partner in the same way - after all, sex should be a two-way street!
More about Sammi
A former antiquarian book researcher, chocolatier, and stand-up comedian, Sammi Cole’s path to sexpert-hood has been a fascinating one to say the least. Starting two years ago as a copywriter for Lovehoney’s fast-growing lingerie category, she quickly established herself as an authority on all things leather and lace. Her popular weekly YouTube vlog, Undie Mondays, received thousands of views every week, along with lingerie-related questions from all around the globe. Now, she oversees sex-positive content on Lovehoney’s websites that span three continents, nine countries, and twenty time zones. But Sammi knows about more than just crotchless knickers and open-cup bras - she’s also an established sex and relationships writer and columnist, and coordinator of the Lovehoney Oh! Spot, a student-led hub containing advice on all things sex-related at University. She has arranged collaborations with Hannah Witton - the winner of Cosmo’s Best Sex and Relationships Influencer 2016 - and Bath University, as well as appearing briefly on Channel 4’s Sex Box with Steve Jones and Goedele Liekens. She also works with groundbreaking sexual storyteller Cameryn Moore in hosting the Bristol branch of the international Smut Slam, a sex-positive storytelling open mic with events in Canada, the USA, the UK, the Czech Republic, and Germany.
Sammi is on-hand to offer professional advice and opinions on bedroom and body confidence as well as a light-hearted look at life inside one of the world’s biggest online adult retailers.
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