Dating in times of coronavirus – I mean I would say it’s made a difference to my dating life but tbh…I’ve been swiping online for the whole of 2020! But, if you’ve just gained entry to the digital world of dating and found yourself stressing out over which dating app to download, un-download or re-download – well it’s your lucky day! Keep reading for a rundown of the most popular dating apps featuring grounded expectations and very probable outcomes. Happy swiping!

Tinder

Get in the zone: You’ve scrolled through your phone’s photo bank for the 10th time now and have just about had enough reminiscing over all the fun you used to enjoy pre-lockdown. So, imagining you’re surrounded by all your mates you take the plunge and download Tinder.

The app: The OG of contemporary dating apps Tinder is the classic collection of face, name, age, occupation and in less than 30 seconds you can see how long you’d have to travel when you go for a sleepover. Also, if you need a bit of hyping up you can set up a group profile so you and your friends can swipe left and right together – now that’s what I call bonding.

The pool: You know when there’s a box of celebrations going round and you get excited because you get to pick your favourite flavour first, but then by the time the box passes your way again your left with mars or milky way, well… that’s a bit like Tinder. On initial swiping you’re thinking ‘this app bangs!’ Then after about 5 minutes of fun, you’ve run out of all your top picks and unless you’ve seen them IRL before they’re 9/10 gonna be a catfish. In fact, MTV is probably pulling up outside your house right now…

The outcome: Bae’s chatting all nicey nicey for a couple of days and then suddenly they’ll start dropping jokes that are far from PG. If you’re feeling their vibe you will meet, although it will probably be arranged last minute or if you hang out in the same area via the playing it cool line ‘you out tonight?’ If you end up seeing them you’ll have a hot saucy night of fun, but that might be your only hot saucy night of fun because they may quickly turn into a ghost and disappear off the face of the earth. Ekhem, onto.the.next.one.

Bumble

Get in the zone: Feeling confident out of sheer boredom with the need to spice up your life and frankly fed up with not having gone out for the last who-even-knows-how-many weekends, you’ve found yourself in bed on a Sunday evening typing in ‘Bumble’ on the app store. You’re also loyal to the apps and it’s time to build your collection.

The app: Full screen profile pics, easy to navigate info and if you wanna splash the cash there’s the additional option to become a ‘preferred member’ so you can backtrack swipes and set your ideal height to 6ft+. Although, whoever you end up matching YOU have to be the one to start the conversation first (yes it’s 2020 but some of us still get shy…). As if thinking of a conversation starter wasn’t hard enough, on Bumble you’ve also got to stay super alert because matches will time out within 24 hours if you don’t make that first move.

The pool: Someone riding a horse, posed on the slopes or in a jazzy travelling location wearing a top they think make them looks ‘cultured’ – or no top at all. They’re standing far back enough so you can just make out the shape of their face but not really any of their other features. Picture 1 & 2 will look the same then pic 3 will throw you off.

The outcome: Out of 15 swipes you’ll find at least one or two people you want to match so bring on the thumb ache! And whilst you’re probably thinking you’d have a good success rate on an app that gives you the power to start a conversation, (sadly) that’s wrong. The 24 hour window is quick enough for anyone to change their mind, not reply your message and just sit back and let the match expire. Nahh I don’t know why they bothered swiping right either – can anyone explain?!

Hinge

Get in the zone: Well, if you’re not already on this app then you’re probably in a relationship (so they say…). Or, you’re just very late to the party. So jump on board before yet another person starts preaching how they ‘know loads of couples who met on Hinge!!!’

The app: You get a good insight into someone’s personality and more opportunities to chat, because Hinge let’s everyone answer question prompts to show their funny, cute or saucy side. Or, if someone’s chosen to fill that question prompt with their Instagram handle, then you know straight away that they’re just on here for the non-existent clout (wrong place guys, you’re not on Love Island). Besides, the app lets you link your official Instagram anyway – an added stalker bonus for you to determine what potential bae really look likes ‘in real life’ (a.k.a 9 other filtered social media photos…)

The pool: 5’11’ suitors who work in Finance or Consulting, all apparently have the best travelling stories and a two truths and a lie answer that features meeting a celebrity. Oh and you’ll probably find them hugging a cute dog or baby in their last picture.

The outcome: You’ll match and there’s a 50% chance they’ll start the conversation with you which will probably be on a Sunday and probably at 9pm or 10pm. You’ll arrange a cheeky date for drinks and after that first date there’s a very high chance you’ll have a second. Unfortunately, the rest can’t be guaranteed and even if it was going well there’s gonna be no date 3. But, if 4 first dates in one month means you’ve been dating for a month, then hooray! You’ve been dating for a whole month!

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