Uncle DAYUMMMMMM

With the Fourth of July coming up and all, we wanted to pay homage to our Founding Fathers the only way we knew how: by judging oil paintings of old, rich, white men based on their level of attractiveness (and maybe even their accomplishments)! Yahoo.

While these rankings are by no means objective, if you're not a history buff, at least you can remember our nation's leading men for being super hot. ¯\(ツ)/¯

10. Paul Revere

As far as "Founding Fathers” go, there might be room for debate here, but as far as I’m concerned-- Paul Revere earned his place on this list. Not only because of the heroic acts he performed during the American Revolution, but because he looks like a modern day Jack Black. While Jack Black isn't necessarily known for his good looks-- have you ever seen the movie The Holiday?! Tell me you aren't madly in love with Jack Black after that movie. ALSO, he looks like he could play rugby and love me some rugby players.

9. Thomas Paine

You guys, it was Thomas Paine that inspired the rebels to actually declare INDEPENDENCE from Britain as author of pamphlets like Common Sense. Talk about persuasive-- does it get much hotter than that? Actually, if I knew about that crooked, mischievous smirk when I read Common Sense, I probably would have gotten through it...

Shrugs, seriously though: “The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.” Is it getting really hot in here?

8. John Adams

He might have been our second President, but as the eighth hottest Founding Father, is it ok to say that we love Johnny for his mind, not his body? There’s a reason Paul Giamatti was cast in his biopic...

7. John Marshall

There’s certainly a familial resemblance when we’re talking John Marshall, cousin of Thomas Jefferson (you could argue that technically, he’s even more handsome). He was one of the first Supreme Court Justices and he was incredibly influential in the development of the American legal system. I certainly DO NOT object, Mr. Marshall.

6. Benjamin Franklin

It’s no secret that bifocaled Benny Boy killed it with the ladies despite his hair needing a total makeover. Look at those locks! He could use a serious deep-conditioning treatment. I do love a man who isn’t afraid to fly a kite in a lighting storm though, don’t you? So brave.

5. John Hancock

Famous for leaving his HUGE signature on the Declaration of Independence (overcompensating much?!), it’s not hard to imagine Hancock applying that same sense of grandeur to all aspects of his life, especially in the name of love. We have Hancock pegged as the type of guy to stand under your window with a boombox. We do love a grand gesture.

4. James Madison

Despite being a straight up shorty at 5’4, Jim was a major player in the creation of the Constitution, author of the Bill of Rights and co-contributor to the Federalist Papers. Damn, he must have been one busy man. In terms of looks, he has better eyebrows than me and I’m here for it.

3. George Washington

He was tall, he was a war hero, and he rode a white horse. Are you swooning yet? He also had pretty bad teeth, though. While normally this is unforgivable, as our first President and the literal father of our country, we forgive. From what I understand, he also had the best temperament, which means you could argue with him for hours about what you should get for dinner and he wouldn’t even bat an eyelash.

2. Thomas Jefferson

That is one good looking man, amiright? You might be familiar with Thomas Jefferson if you’ve ever seen a nickel and then fallen in love with the mysterious stranger whose profile is engraved on its surface, perhaps taking one out of your pocket every few minutes to give it gentle kisses. He authored a little document called the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, sooooo… he’s also kind of brilliant. We love you, Tommy!

1. Alexander Hamilton

As the subject of Broadway’s mega hit Hamilton, Alexander was undeniably sexy. So sexy, in fact, that he snagged the TOP spot on our list. Congrats, Al! The founding-father-without-a-father has good looks even by today’s standards. Jawline? Check. Eyes? Check. I could go on but I’ll just leave it at this: he was a babe. Oh, and he was brilliant. Brilliant and passionate and driven = SEXY AS HELL. All hail Alexander Hamilton.

BONUS "FOUNDING MOTHER" HOTTIES:

Abigail Adams

Elizabeth Schuyler

Betsy Ross

Martha Washington