Valentine's Day is approaching. Don't worry, if you follow my simple tips you don't need to worry until the day itself! I have split this advice down into two categories, pre-Valentine's Day (and therefore orderable online) and on V-Day itself (i.e think quick!).

Pre-Valentine's Day

So, you lucky devil. You are in an enviable position. Even if you have left this a couple of days out, with a little more money for next day delivery you are home free. Now, we just need to select you the perfect gift.

For her

Get onto the UNiDAYS site and the world is your oyster! Limecrime have 25% discount across the entire site, surely you have had a girlfriend before or at least seen some type of modern film. Fragrance and beauty products win the internet on Valentine's Day. This also avoids the stress of having to risk clothing choices. Never attempt to buy clothes, just don't do it. I have been with my wife for 14 years and the closest I have got to clothing is a scarf. It's just too risky.

For him

For me, something you can't go wrong with for the discerning young man is a good quality bottle of whiskey (not blended!). Failing that, why not a game for his console (Battlefield One is excellent).

Congratulate yourselves, you are organized and can now look forward to a wonderful exchange of gifts on Valentine's Day. Now, if you have been inspired and want your partner to know about the gifts above, it's time to start leaving hints around the flat.

Actual V-Day

Hopefully, you are not reading this in bed on your phone lying next to your boyfriend/girlfriend. If you are, follow these steps ASAP. Head to the toilet and lock the door. OK, you've left this late but it's recoverable.

You need something for your boyfriend...

If you are looking for gifts for your boyfriend, fear not! His primary concern is not a small token gift for Valentine's Day. There are a couple of scenarios that could happen here, let's have a think...

He may not have got you something: now is the time to take the higher ground. Forgive him and confess that Valentine's Day is a corporate ploy anyway (don't worry you can change your mind about this later). Now, continue to enjoy your day.

You already know he has something, he woke up with a smug smile this morning: a bottle of wine or nice beers are often smiled upon and are easily obtained. Obviously, this is playing upon some common stereotypes but I can only speak to my own experience. If you aren't sure if your boyfriend would like a gift, perhaps it's time to have a little think. Do I know my boyfriend at all? Shame on you. Now, if you are hiding in that toilet, as you leave ask if your boyfriend would like a cup of tea... (everyone says yes if he says no, he's not the one). Leave the room to make tea and pop your shoes on so you can run as fast as you can to the local newsagents. Trust me, this works.

He got to you first and you are empty handed: now it's time for the stock gift excuses, don't lie to yourself. You know the ones. Here are a couple to jog your memory:

1. You left the gift somewhere (friend's house, your house, parent's house) and will bring it later / tomorrow...

2. You ordered it online and it hasn't arrived. Blame a delivery company and, for extra authenticity, complain on Twitter afterwards.

You need something for your girlfriend...

You have read the above and probably agree with it. To be honest, if my girlfriend did these I wouldn't be fooled but I would have to congratulate her on a good game well played. Be aware, you are in trouble. Under no circumstances try to use the methods above on your girlfriend! A bottle of cheap wine from the local newsagents will not suffice and nor will those awful stock gift excuses.

If you have woken up next to your girlfriend empty handed, you are now in damage control mode. Don't panic though, confidence is key. Tell her about the meal you have booked later and allude to some form of presentation (that's why the card and gift aren't available now). If she tries to give you a gift, appear hurt and suggest you swap gifts later at the meal so it's more romantic.

On the day gifts

There are a couple of strong go-to gifts that you can supply on the day:

1. Grab an e-voucher! This way you don't have to cause your girlfriend embarrassment when she returns your gift. Ultimately if you try to buy clothing on the last day it will certainly be poorly considered.

2. A good quality bottle of gin or rum is always a treat. These can also be purchased at supermarkets now. Don't go for wine, unless she is a wine connoisseur she will assume you have bought a cheap bottle of $10 wine (not acceptable).

3. Book a meal for somewhere extra special. Many places book up fast on Valentine's Day, be prepared for restaurants to laugh and scoff at your lack of planning. As soon as you hear no, put the phone straight down, you don't have time to talk to people who can't help you.

4. Get a good quality card and write something good in it. This won't do:

You are going to need something strong. Something like this:

{fill rest of page with kisses}

It helps if you can write your own meaningful content. A rare glimpse into how you are feeling is normally worth its weight in gold to any girlfriend! Careful, though, don't be too soppy or you will set a difficult to manage precedence.

Preferably, you need to do all of the above. Hopefully, just hopefully this day turns out well.

Good luck my friends.